


Chase Me Through Our Fictional Paradise

by Kanra_chan, TeamAlphaQ



Category: Durarara!!, The Bible
Genre: (How cruel of you!! I don't always write angst!), Angel!Shizuka, Conventions, Crack, Demon!Shizuo, F/F, Fluff, Funny, God!Kanra, Heaven vs Hell AU, Izaya and Shizuo were always cannon okay, Just fluff and crack to help you through all the current angst fics, Looking at you Q, Lucifer!Izaya, M/M, Multi, One-Shot Collection, Suggestive comments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-10 12:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11126766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamAlphaQ/pseuds/TeamAlphaQ
Summary: A random collection of one-shots about Izaya and Shizuo that range from AUs to semi-spinoffs to a whole lot of crazy.So it'll probably be fun, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written with the ever so wonderful TeamAlphaQ! She's an amazing writer and it was very much a privilege to write with her. She posted this fic on her profile on Fanfiction.Net, so go check it out as our stories might have a few differences and you don't wanna miss it! Be sure to give her some love too!
> 
>  
> 
> THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING TO READ THIS!

 

     It was just a typical day down in Ikebukuro. The birds were singing, the sun was shining and the vending machines were shattering into pieces against the ground. “Oh Shizu-chan,” Izaya taunted as he sailed through the streets, fast as ever. “You know you just want a piece of this ass.”

“SHUDDUP FLEA! STAND STILL AND LET ME HIT THAT-I MEAN HIT YOU!!” Shizuo snarled in reply, pretending like he hadn’t tripped up. Izaya held a hand to his mouth, the effect somewhat ruined by the fact he was dodging a flying trash can. “Shizu-chan, so scandalous! What if someone hears you?”       

“Who cares!? Just shut up, shut up, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUDDUP SHUDDUP SHUDDUUUUUUPPP!” Shizuo bellowed. They’d moved onto a street, and Shizuo threw the car that didn’t stop in time at Izaya, not caring in that moment about it’s driver. ‘ _Probably some scumbag anyway._ ’ Neatly, the man dodged again, though there was a hint of strain to his voice when he next spoke.

“I think you’re repeating yourself. It’s a good thing I like my men big and stupid, otherwise you’d be disqualified.”Instead of replying, Shizuo lunged at his red-eyed opponent. His flying fist only just grazed Izaya’s shoulder, as the informant had moved aside just in time and danced away from Shizuo. Unexpectedly, Izaya stumbled back into a warm chest, and his eyes widened in surprise.          

“My my,” purred the voice supposedly belonging to the chest Izaya was pressed against.  “What do we have here?”

Izaya looked up into the face of… Shizuo? Except it definitely wasn’t and therefore he felt very violated when the man looked over the tops of his blue shades and winked suggestively at him.

“Orihara Izaya,” Izaya informed him, trying to take a step back. “Idiot,” he added, for good measure. Clearly anyone who dresses like Shizu-chan has fewer brain cells than the monster in question does.          

“My, you’re a snarky one, huh? That’s good~” He murmured, tilting Izaya’s chin up to better stare into crimson orbs. He wrapped an arm around Izaya’s waist. “I like a little fight.” The stranger purred. Where the hell did this man even come from? Izaya pulled out a knife easily, poking it into the faux monster’s belly. “Then I suppose you won’t mind being stabbed?” he purred right back, eyes dancing dangerously. The man stared for a moment, taken aback.

“That… might be a little more fight than I hoped for, my dear.” He replied, nervously.    

“HEY!” Izaya had never been more glad to hear the sound of Shizuo’s voice than he was right then. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF IZAYA! ONLY I’M ALLOWED TO KILL HIM!” The real beast roared.Deciding not to see the end of that conversation, Izaya dodged out of the man’s arms and headed into the building he’d been standing outside of.

What he found was hell.

“Welcome to the third annual Shizaya convention!” Chirped someone at his elbow. Looking down, Izaya found a bubbly, wide-eyed girl. “Kya! You look just like Iza-chan!!!” She exclaimed, beaming at him.

“Well, I should hope so." Izaya replied. "I am him, after all. The one and only.” He smirked, and gave a wink for good measure.  _'Wait, she's dressed awfully similarly to me... Just what is going on?'_  Izaya thought to himself. Looking around, he felt his stomach drop. Everyone looked similar! Whether dressed as him or Shizuo, it was all like looking into a funhouse mirror. There were some other costumes too, and he vaguely recognized some familiar outfits like the group of Celtys in the crowd. It made him feel mildly queasy.

“Convention, you say?” he asked, glancing back at the overexcited girl, who was bouncing on her heels. “What’s Shizaya?” He asked, tilting his head and giving her a smile.

“Whoaaa~! So in character! You’re perfect! Well, your wig should be a bit longer though~” She giggled, oblivious. “I’ll play along! Well _Izaya_ , Shizaya is-”

“IIIIIII-ZAAAAA-YAAAAAAAA!” Came a roar, followed by a vending machine implanting itself in the wall beside Izaya’s head. The girl jumped out of the way as Shizuo came barreling through the door. “Izaya,” he repeated. “Who the fuck was that man?” His tone was dangerous, and it send pleasant chills down Izaya's spine.

 “I have no idea Shizu-chan.” he answered candidly, drawing his knife once more. “But just so you know, I’d never cheat on you with some third-rate look-alike. You clearly are plenty to satisfy my needs.” Izaya purred slyly. Shizuo went red, growling at Izaya.

“Shut yer trap! You’re such a liar! Who’s she, huh? Why’s she dressed like you?!” Shizuo snapped, feeling left out and angry.

“It’s because we’re multiplying~” Izaya sing-songed, dancing in circles around his bewildered monster. “I’m actually a clone, so even if you wipe me out, there will always be more to take my place!”

“Oh, I see. Then you won’t mind if I RIP YOU APART, RIGHT!?” Shizuo bellowed with a manic grin, reaching for the pest he claimed to hate.

“Only if you’re doing it with your di- Shizu-chan, did I give you permission to slap my ass?” Izaya asked, indigent.

“I was aiming for your face!” Shizuo retorted, making another swing at him. “What a shame they both look the same. If you’d JUST STAY STILL-!”

“I thought you liked it when I moved, Shizu-chan! Especially when I’m moving for you~!” Izaya threw in with a wink. Distantly, over the roar of his heart pounding, Izaya heard oddly delighted screams.

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING-” Shizuo was cut off as a gaggle of girls, all dressed as Izaya swarmed him.

“KYA!!!”

“SO MOE!”

“You’re acting so realistically!”

"Where did you get your costume!?"

“I SHIP IT!!”

All of these things were screamed in delight as Izaya used the distraction to slip away unnoticed into the ‘convention’, finding he blended in quite well given the circumstances. Shizuo was too flustered by the attention he was getting to follow.

“Where to, hmm~?" Izaya asked himself, once he was far enough away. "I see we have a panel on how to hold your fake knife properly! And another on getting stains out of your fur-lined coat. How fascinating!” He exclaimed under his breath, sarcastically. “How to properly have sex with a monster, now that one might be worth something.” He noticed one cosplayer stood out, dressed very similarly to him, but with a pink and white scheme instead.

“Oooh, Tsugaru needs cool shades too, he’ll look just like Shizu~!” Exclaimed the odd cosplayer. Curious, Izaya slid up next to the man, who looked remarkably like him, just happier somehow. More playfully mischievous rather than purposefully malicious.

“Hello~ Could you possibly answer some questions for me?” Izaya asked, putting on a charming smile. The man turned to look at him and Izaya noticed his startling pink eyes. The cosplayer looked younger than Izaya had previously thought, too.

“You’re Iza-chan!” he announced delightedly before breaking into happy giggles. “Well, I guess half of everyone here is! Oh It’s all so fun, though I can’t find Tsugaru. Have you seen him?”

“Um no,” Izaya said, staring at the odd creature before him with confusion. “Do you know what this place is?”

“Huh?? It’s the Shizaya convention, obviously! Silly boy~!” Chirped the happy man. He reached up, lightly knocking Izaya on the head with his knuckles.

“Yes yes,” Izaya said, pressing a hand to his temple as he nodded. “But what is Shizaya?”

“...Are you fucking with me? As Hibiya would say! Shizaya? You know, Shizuo + Izaya? The thing you’re cosplaying for! Ne ne, did you hit your head? Oh no~! Let Psyche help!” Bouncing around Izaya, the pink eyed look-a-like put his hands on the side of Izaya’s head, inspecting the back of Izaya's skull for injuries. “I’m Psyche, by the way~!”

“Izaya.” And then, because he realized how useless that really was, “The original one.” He was still lost in thought at the horrifying idea of him and Shizuo doing anything other than fighting. ' _'Well actually, that might be kind of fu-No! WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?! I have to get out of here...'_

“IZAYA!!!” The roar from the crowd was Izaya’s queue to move.

“Oh dear, Shizu-chan, must you really be so dense?” With a sigh of longsuffering, Izaya tapped Psyche on the top of his white and pink coat. “Well, ta ta, my beast is after me and I like to play hard to get. See you later Psyche-san.”

“Ugh, wait! Just stop running away flea!!” Shizuo yelled, in a surprisingly desperate voice.

Izaya actually did stop for once, glancing back at his distraught beast. Pouting, he asked, “Is Shizu-chan lonely?” Though in reality he felt a little twist at the worried expression on Shizuo’s face. “Did he miss me?”

“N-no! Stupid!” Shizuo cringed at a few voices in the background cooing about him being tsundere. ' _What the fuck does that even mean? I hate it here!'_

“I-I can’t… I can’t find the damn exit! And I almost punched a girl who I thought was you, okay? Just help me out of here so I can beat you up properly and go home!” he snapped, launching himself at Izaya for a third time that day. Ducking behind a stand of little Shizuo and Izaya plushies, Izaya waited for Shizuo to barrel past. He slipped one of the Shizuo plushies in his coat, before latching onto Shizuo’s arm and simpering, “Aww, you need me!”Shizuo tried to shake him off before he felt Izaya’s knife pricking his ribs.

“Shizu-chan, I don’t like it here either,” he admitted softly. “I feel as though I’m about to be mobbed at any moment. Let’s agree to work together until we get out of here.” Shizuo didn’t have to think about it, he just nodded.

“Wonderful!” The knife vanished, and Izaya let go of Shizuo’s arm. “So, what do we do?” Shizuo asked. “Don’t you, like, follow water or something when you’re lost?”

“Shizuo, that’s for when you’re in the wilderness.”

“Aren’t we?” Shizuo asked, glancing at Izaya.

“Point taken,” he admitted. “Let’s just… Ah, her! She looks like she knows where she’s going, and isn’t fawning over us. Also, she’s dressed as you. I don’t want to deal with anyone else dressed like me. Ever.” Izaya said, pointing to a blonde woman in a female bartender suit. She looked annoyed.

 “And you think I want to deal with someone who looks like me?” Shizuo grumbled, wrapping an arm around Izaya’s waist so he could pull him out of the way of a trundling tolly of merchandise. Deciding not to fight the heavy weight around his middle, Izaya saucily answered, “Maybe not, but I’m the brains of this operation. You’re just the one who yells and destroys things.”

" _Oi!_ Watch your mouth, asshole- Oh great,” Shizuo sighed, as the blonde woman they’d been following was suddenly tackled by another Izaya cosplayer. One who was dressed in actual female clothes though. Izaya style, yes, but still clothes more common for women. The blonde look relieved, and stuck close to the shorter brunette. The pair stopped to look at some merch at the dark haired girl’s behest.

“What now, huh? Shizuo asked. Izaya slipped out of Shizuo’s hold on his waist and grabbed the man’s wrist instead.

“We talk to them.” He said simply. When Shizuo didn’t move, he locked his fingers with Shizuo's and gave him a dark look that could be interpreted as a warning but really looked a whole lot like something else.

“What!? No! H-hey don’t grab my hand!” Shizuo snapped, getting flustered. As they approached, the Izaya cosplayer looked at them. The blonde followed her partner's gaze and was almost immediately on edge, wrapping an arm around the brunette’s waist.

“Oh, can we help you~?” Purred the first girl. She looked overly amused, and smirked at them. Shizuo blinked at the two of them, unsure how to deal with someone who was acting so much like Izaya, except female. Thankfully, Izaya spoke up, smiling right back at the his female equivalent.

“Would either of you two lovely ladies know where the exit is? I’m afraid we’re a bit lost and-”

“Just fuck off, perverts.” Hissed the blonde girl, tugging her partner behind her. “You cosplayers are all just gross perverts who wanna mess with Kanra!” She snapped. The other girl, Kanra, just rolled her eyes.

Shizuo leaned in and growled, annoyed with the blondes behavior. “Listen, I hate the fucking cosplayers just as much as you do. In fact, I hate them more! I have no fucking interest in your  _girlfriend_ so if you’d please not make my life hard, that would be **nice.** ”

Both Kanra’s and Izaya’s eyes widened as the girl tilted her head and sneered at Shizuo, just as annoyed. “You want to try me bastard?”

“Now now Shizuka! Play nice~ I’m sure he’s just trying to keep in character, ne?” Kanra said, putting a slim hand on the blondes shoulder, trying to calm her partner down.

“Character?” Shizuo growled, about to lose it. “I’m not acting in character, I’M ACTING LIKE I ALWAYS DO!! YOU’RE THE ONES ACTING LIKE CHARACTERS!!” He snarled, getting too close for Shizuka's liking.

Shizuka pushed Kanra behind her protectively. “WELL GUESS WHAT ASSHOLE, WE’RE NOT ACTING LIKE CHARACTERS EITHER!”

“Down girl!” “Down boy!” Izaya and Kanra yelled at the same time, looking at each other in surprise as their respective blondes ignored them.

“Is she always like this?” Izaya asked, peeved at Shizuka.

“Is HE always like this? Kanra snarked back, just as annoyed.

“Look fella-” Izaya gaped at that. “-You two should just run along or things might get ugly, kay?” For good measure, she flashed her knife at Izaya, smirking. Finally able to find some common ground, Izaya drew his own knife and simpered. “Sweetheart, I’ve talked girls into suicide that were twice the terror you are.”

“Just talked? I’ve watched the hope die from men’s eyes as I reject them, then watched them jump from my apartment's rooftop!” She cackled. Izaya gasped.

“You too?” Mood suddenly changing, Izaya brightly asked, “Come now, you really must tell me, do you troll the suicide forums as well? What’s your favorite sushi? What strategy games do you play?”

“Honey, I HOST the suicide forums~ A mix of chess checkers and Go! And Ootoro is the best sushi, obviously.” She gave him a look as if to say _'What else?'_   Izaya raised his eyebrows as he confirmed that yes indeed, this must be his perfect female clone. They both ignored the roars of monsters fighting in the background. 

“Kanra darling, are you telling me that the partner I’ve been looking for all this time is you? It must be! Say it's so~” Giving her a cheeky wink, Izaya added, “Well you know I would be impressed, but I _do_ run half this city! So don’t get too high an opinion of yourself.” He said smugly.

“Ikebukuro? Pft! I run ALL of Nagoya! And half of Shinjuku!” She laughed.

“Well, the leaders of Tokyo are all eating out of my hand.” Izaya admitted, only getting more and more delighted.

“They’re practically licking  **my** feet! Why, I’d even say they’re-”

“Do you think we should…” Shizuo started, looking at Shizuka curiously. They'd stopped fighting, too equally matched.

 “ANT, KNOCK IT OFF!” Shizuka snapped. She really didn’t like the idea of anyone licking Kanras feet…

Imagining Izaya on a throne, grown men eating out of his hand, Shizuo made a face that was somewhere between fury and amusement.

“Flea, lay off of her. Don’t be such a narcissistic asshole for once in your life.”

“No no! I like it! If the man really has that power, let him show off a little. Besides…” Kanra purred “It’s _amusing_ ~!” She said, wickedly.

“Oh darling, don’t play with me so,” Izaya cooed, lowering his lashes in what Shizuo saw as an almost seductive manner but was really just a simple narrowing of his eyes. “You’ll find I have more of a bite than a mere kitten such as yourself.”

“ _This kitty has claws_ -!"

" **Okay**!!" Both Shizuo and Shizuka announced, pulling away their respective partners. "We're fucking done with this!"

"No! Let go Shizu-chi!!” Kanra yelled, fighting to get back to Izaya and prove him wrong.

“Don’t do this to me Shizu-chan,” Izaya whimpered, digging his heels in as he tried to get back to Kanra. “She’s almost my intellectual equal, I’ve never come across one before!” He yelled, half at Shizuo and half at Kanra.

“YOU MEAN ALMOST BECAUSE I’M ABOVE YOU?” Kanra shouted to be heard, as Shizuka dragged her away. Shizuo and Shizuka shot each other a look of ‘Good luck.’ before disappearing from each others sight as they dragged their pests away.

“NO I OF COURSE MEAN-” Izaya started but realizing he was already basically out of earshot, Izaya deflated and turned on Shizuo with a hurt expression. He couldn’t make out Kanra’s reply to his half formed statement but it smarted all the same.

“Shizu-chan,” he whimpered. “You let her have the last word. I can’t let her have the last word. She’s not better than me, she’s lying.” And then because he wanted to be a bastard. “You’re going to leave me for her~~”

“I’m not fucking attracted to her you idiot,” Shizuo growled too seriously, unaware of what he’d just implied. “Besides, if I tried I'd have to deal with Shizuka, I’d probably end up hurting her in the end, even if she is almost as strong as me.”

“How do you know that?” Izaya asked suspiciously. Shizuo looked embarrassed, and pointed to where some attractions had been violently destroyed while Kanra and Izaya had been talking. Izaya gasped.

“Cheating on me with your doppelganger?” Izaya said, giving Shizuo a wide-eyed stare. “Shizu-chan how could you?” He put a hand to his head. “I suppose there’s nothing left for me than to throw myself off my apartment roof. At least then I won’t have to live without Shizu-chan in my life.” He teased. Izaya had a feeling that Kanra and Shizuka were having a similar conversation...

“H-huh!? No!! Stupid!” Shizuo snapped, grabbing Izaya’s wrist's. He didn’t seem to get the sarcasm, instead taking Izaya seriously and looking deep into the informants eyes. “I won’t let you, you’re mine to kill.” He promised seriously. Izaya couldn’t help but turn bright red.

“I-I- Um… Shizu-chan what are you…?” Noticing the wide eyed stares around them, he finally snapped back into reality. “People are staring you brute. I was kidding, I’d never kill myself... I promise I wouldn’t leave my precious beast alone like that.” The last words were at an embarrassed mumble.

“Good...We, we should get out of here.” Shizuo said. Izaya weakly agreed. His heart was doing some rather unpleasant things right about then and he didn’t want to have to think about it.

“Ah, Shizu-chan! Look, I think that’s the exit!” He said, pointing at a door. It was painted with red and pink hearts, which was odd, but it was so out of place that it had to be the exit! The moment Shizuo opened the door, he regretted it because holy hell, he didn’t need to see someone who looked a hell of a lot like himself, but mostly nude and wearing pink and white headphones, violently making out with someone who looked a hell of a lot like Izaya. And why was the Izaya-clone wearing a crown? And a _cape?_ What really scared him was when his look alike turned towards the open door, gave him a teasing look and put a finger to his lips. Slamming the door, Shizuo announced, “Actually, not an exit.”

“Huh?” Izaya asked. “What’s in there, then?” He asked, peering up at Shizuo almost innocently. Shizuo blushed, and attempted to steer Izaya away from the door.

“U-um! Nothing! Just…” ‘ _Shit, what does he hate?'_ “It’s... It’s just fish heads! And you hate their eyes right?” He exclaimed. _'Thank you Shinra, for that useless information!'_ He thought, now glad his friend had told him of Izaya’s hate of fish eyes. Izaya immediately shivered, backing away from the door with a nervous face.

“But you’ll protect me from them, right Shizu-chan?” Izaya asked. Neither of them were quite sure if he was joking or not.

“I-uh, Well, That is….” Shizuo stammered. Thankfully, he was saved by the sounds of someone yelling through a microphone.

“BEASTS AND GENTLE FLEAS, WELCOME TO THE THIRD ANNUAL SHIZAYA CONVENTION!" Came the loud voice of one very familiar fangirl. Both Shizuo and Izaya’s heads snapped up, at the same time.

“Erika!!” They gasped together.

“No, nonononono, we can’t deal with this right now,” Izaya muttered under his breath. “They’re crazy, she’s crazy.” As one they both looked up towards the thing they should have noticed ages ago. The raised dais at the end of the convention hall and predictably Erika, Walker at her side, standing there with a microphone and a grin on her face. As soon as the applause died down, Erika cleared her throat.

“As one of the co-authors of the delightful series of Shizaya books, I would like to say that seeing you all here gathered today is a wonderful sight. So many fans with all your stunning cosplays. It’s amazing!”

“She sounds professional,” Izaya mumbled out of the side of his mouth before catching the meaning of her words. “Wait, BOOKS?? She didn’t draw a manga of us, did she? Because I can’t have something like that being sold, think of what it would do to my image!” He gasped.

“YOU’RE image?! Think about me, flea! I’ll never be left alone! Oh, god, what if  _Kasuka_ sees!?” Shizuo exclaimed. The blonde paled fast, and he looked for a moment like he might pass out.

“L-Look,” Izaya reasoned, watching as Walker fussed with a projector on stage and Erika kept babbling on happily. “It can’t be that bad. I mean, what’s the worst that she could do. It’s probably just stupid fluff about the two of us hugging and chasing each other. Maybe a few kiss scenes, nothing too terri-”

“And now, our first event! Your favorite scenes from the manga. Here’s third place, from chapter four, All Tied Up And No Place To Go!” As she turned, Walker turned the projector on and displayed across the screen was a very,  _very_ graphic image of one informant, tied up like the title suggested, being violated in places he wasn’t sure even could be violated that way. Shizuo turned bright red, stammering.

“C-can you actually bend like that?” Shizuo asked. Izaya didn’t like the intense scrutiny he was giving the picture. “Because that's… Wow.”

“...help me hide her body and I’ll show you just how I can bend.” Izaya joked, trying to bring some humor back to this dark situation. Shizuo just turned a deeper shade of red, too stunned to reply.

 “I was joking Shizu-chan!” Izaya exclaimed, though he was unsure if he really had been. “But in all seriousness-”

“AND HERE WE SEE OUR SECOND ENTRY!” Erika shouted in excitement. “Izaya’s Revenge~” The picture changed, this time to one of Shizuo. His eyes were closed, possibly in intended ecstasy, as Izaya was stuffing Shizuo with Shizuo's very own and very big...with his own... with... _Oh god_.

 “Oh you can’t possibly be that big!” Izaya argued blushing, almost sounding offended. “That isn’t humanly achievable. I won’t believe it. She’s lying.”

Despite his embarrassment, Shizuo managed to mutter out of the side of his mouth, “Wanna bet on that?”

“...Maybe. Let’s say, if it is big enough to do that, I’ll treat you to that new desserts cafe that just opened up.”

“The one with the strawberry mousse?!”

“Yep. But if you aren't and I  _can_ bend the way she portrayed, then you buy me Ootoro.”

“Sounds fair,” Shizuo agreed. Izaya nodded, an oddly bright light in his eyes. He was confident he would win, he’d probably been contorted into stranger positions in his life. In the background, Erika had just finished with the last slide.

“And here we have my personal favorite and the first place winner-Oh one sec, pizza’s here.” As Erika bounced off the stage with Walker to pay, Izaya quickly thought up a plan. He hoped he and Shizuo would be enough, his plan would work better with three people though...

“If we can get to the stage while they’re distracted then we can hopefully get Erika and Walker to let us out. If not, we'll take the stage. We can't outnumber them but hopefully just you and I will be enough.Then everything will be fine and- Who are you?”

There was a calm and peaceful looking man in odd robes poking Izaya’s shoulder. He looked up when Izaya spoke.

“Psyche-san, I’ve been looking for you e- Oh dear, you’re not Psyche are you?” The man asked. He looked a little sad. 

Izaya quickly put two and two together. _'This has to be the man Psyche was looking for earlier!'_  Feeling devious and getting an idea, beamed at the man. “Tsu-chan, you don’t recognize me?? I’ve missed you!” He cooed, hugging the third Shizuo look-a-like of the day. A look of relief broke out over the man’s face just as an equal look of indignation appeared over Shizuo’s. 

Tsugaru said, “Psyche-san, you shouldn’t do things like that. I’ve been so worried. What happened to your outfit?” “Oh yeah! Lookie, they were selling Iza-chan clothes! Realistic, right? Hey tsu-chan, will you do Psyche a favor?” Izaya smiled, waving a hand at Shizuo from behind his back. _'Don't mess this up, beast.'_ Izaya thought.

Tsugaru blushed brightly and stammered, “As- as long it’s not like Psyche’s usual favors…”

“WHAT?!" Shizuo butt in, annoyed. "Shit, hey Izaya knock it off!” Shizuo snapped, feeling possessive. Grabbing Izaya’s wrist, perhaps just a bit too hard going by Izaya’s little yelp of pain, he started tugging him towards the stage.  _Big mistake._  

“Let go of Psyche.” Came the cold voice of an angry Tsugaru.

“Oh for the love of-” Shizuo turned to the man with an exasperated look on his face. “Look, I don’t know what you’re going on about but this isn’t Psyche, this is Izaya, the fucking louse who makes my life hell.” 

“Tsu-chan,” Izaya wailed, rubbing his wrist and giving the Kimono clad man a pitiful look. “He’s being mean to me Tsu-chan, save me!!" Izaya wailed, letting his eyes fill with tears. _Damn, am I good or am I good?'_ Izaya thought. Tsugaru stepped forward, and the look in his eyes was cold enough for even Shizuo to take a step back.

“Leave Psyche alone or I’ll have to make you leave him alone. He’s fragile, you have to be nice to him.” Turning back to Shizuo, Izaya stuck his tongue out but was surprised to find a hurt and lost look on Shizuo’s face. 

 “Oh I see how it is. Fine. Fragile, you want fragile? FINE!” Shizuo snapped, grabbing the informant and lifting him into the air. Many people turned with surprised gasps. Bracing himself, Shizuo aimed Izaya towards a beam in the ceiling, knowing Izaya would be able to catch and prove he wasn't Psyche. Roaring, he launched Izaya towards it, ignoring the horrified yells of people who knew this wasn’t a joke and awed gasps of idiots who thought it was a show. With a startled screech, Izaya latched onto an exposed cluster of wires by hooking his knees around it before swinging himself up to the beam Shizuo had been aiming at and perching there.

“SHIZU-CHAN!” he yelled, staring down at Shizuo, shocked that his plan had backfired so spectacularly. “How could you do that!? Stupid, unpredictable beast!”    

“Well maybe I didn’t like the fact you were flirting with another guy who just happens to look like me!” Shizuo roared back, and Izaya could see just how much his actions had affected the ridiculous monster.    

“Iza-chan,” wailed a voice Izaya hadn’t been expecting to hear again. “Help me help me!! I can’t get down, Tsu-chan is looking for me Iza-chaaaan. Help meee~” Looking over, Izaya saw Psyche himself clinging in fear to an exposed pipe.           

“Huh?? How’d you get up here?” Izaya asked. Elegantly, he hopped back down onto the thick wires. Walking across as gracefully as any trained professional, he made his way over to Psyche. The cute little man looked at him sheepishly.

“I got up but I can’t get down. I was hoping to look for Tsu-chan but then I looked down I didn’t feel so good. I-it's just so high up...” Then, spotting his robed friend, psyche called, “TSUGARU I’M OKAY, DON’T FIGHT THE FUNNY MAN TSU-CHAN!!!” 

Finally distracted from his anger at Shizuo, Tsugaru looked up and was relieved, but only for a moment. Running, he held his arms out under Psyche. “Let go, I’ll catch you!” Tsugaru called, worried.

“No!” Izaya snapped. “Am I the only one with common sense here?! Listen Psyche,” Izaya crouched down on the wires, looking seriously at his scared body double. ”Don’t let go, you’ll just end up hurting him and yourself. Just retrace your steps, I’ll be here to keep you steady.” Izaya said seriously.

 Shizuo huffed, amused. “Hey, guys? There’s a ladder over there on the far wall. Why don’t we just use that?” Izaya gaped down at the man.

“Shizu-chan, did you just… Use your brain?” Shizuo merely glared at Izaya, as Tsugaru got the ladder. Shizuo held it steady, and Psyche started to climb down. Unfortunately he didn’t quite have the grace Izaya did, and missed a step right away. Letting go of the ladder to try and regain his balance, which obviously wouldn’t work, Psyche found himself plummeting straight down. WIthout thinking, Shizuo lunged forward and caught the clumsy male neatly in his arms.

For a moment three different pairs of eyes stared at him before Psyche broke the relative silence. “Wah~ Shizu-chan is so big and strong!! He’s amazing, thank you Shizu.” He proceeded to hug the man’s neck and nuzzle up against his face. The other two watching saw red.

“GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF SHIZU-CHAN!” Izaya hissed, swinging down from the ceiling in a single fluid motion. Tsugaru stomped over too, ready to punch the bodyguard dressed like a bartender. His plans were cutely thwarted, however, when Psyche jumped into his arms with a happy cheer. Tsugaru smiled and, apparently, all was forgiven with those two. Izaya however wasn’t feeling as forgetful.  

“I see how you are, protozoan. You’ll launch ME at the ceiling but catch HIM when he falls!” Izaya huffed, stomping away.

“No, I just acted without thinking,” Shizuo insisted, hurrying to catch up with the furious Izaya. “I never meant anything by i-”

“No, shut up, I don’t want to hear it,” Izaya spat, unsure why he felt so angry about the situation. _'God, it's not like I care who Shizuo holds or doesn't hold... It's none of my business. I'm just a "flea" after all.'_ “Go find some other Izaya cosplayer to play with Shizu-chan, I just want to get out of here.” Izaya tried to walk faster but Shizuo rushed in front of him, grabbing the Infobrokers shoulders.

“Izaya, we’re getting out of here together. Okay, Izaya-kun?” When Izaya glanced at him, Shizuo was shocked to see him rubbing ineffectively at his damp eyes.

“Why’re you so nice to everyone but me?” he whimpered softly, red eyes locking onto Shizuo’s honey gold ones. “Why are you nice to strangers when I’m the one you’re always around? It h-hurts Shizu-chan. Why does it _hurt_?” Terrified of the sight of Izaya’s tears, Shizuo shushed him gently as he lifted a hand to blot away the man’s tears.

“No, Izaya, I- I never meant to- I mean, we were always just enemies, right? I didn’t know it hurt you so much.” When Izaya didn’t stop crying Shizuo muttered a curse, under his breath and wrapped his arms around Izaya. “Shit, you’re more trouble than you’re worth, you know that?” Clutching to the back of Shizuo’s shirt, Izaya sniffled and laughed wetly.

"Sorry Sh-shizu-chan, I d-don’t usually act like this. I look l-like an idiot.”

“No, you don’t,” Shizuo said firmly, feeling his heart flip-flop, but not uncomfortably. “Only I get to say you look like an idiot. Right now I-I think you look kind of… cute.” Izaya drew back, ignoring the sounds of cooing and aweing around them.

“So you think I look cute when I cry?” he pouted, looking up at Shizuo with big, expressive eyes. ' _I never expose myself to anyone this much...'_   Izaya thinks. 

Shizuo coughed, embarrassed. He remembered something, then. “Hey, weren’t we gonna do something to the stage?” Shizuo asked. Izaya eyes widened, and they both cursed, turning back towards the large platform.

“AAANNNDD HERE’S THE FIRST PLACE FAVORITE SCENE!!!” Erika yelled into her microphone, hurting everyone’s ears. “Drumroll please Yumachi!” There was a faint patter of hands on a tabletop that was drowned out by the stomping of many pairs of feet. “Chapter 21! Sleepy Nights!!”

“Ah no!!” Izaya shouted, quickly covering his eyes before he saw the image. “No, I’m too mentally unstable to handle this! Shizu-chan, make it stop!!” He exclaimed.

Looking around, Shizuo stared at the image before glancing down at Izaya. Surprisingly, the image this time wasn’t sexual. It was just a scene where they were at Izaya’s apartment, teasing each other and watching some movie. Izaya was falling asleep on Shizuo’s shoulder and… ' _Oh man.'_ Shizuo could just see it in his head. He could see the way Izaya's eyelashes would flutter in the midst of a dream. They way his shoulder would slightly move with every breath he took. The way he would be so, so relaxed in Shizuo’s arms. The whole scene spelled out happiness and peace to Shizuo, and that’s all he's ever wanted. Happiness, and peace. Was Izaya the one to give him that? Could Izaya be the one he could find himself truly satisfied with?

Shizuo was starting to think he was.

 “AND WE HAVE THE TIE FOR FIRST PLACE, SEX ON THE BEACH!!!”

' _Huh._ ’ Shizuo thought, tilting his head at the new picture. ‘ _ **That** could be nice too..._ ’ Apparently, this was one too many things for Izaya.

“Okay, no, I don’t care what you say Erika! SHIZU-CHAN IS NOT THAT BIG, IT’S NOT POSSIBLE AND IF HE WAS HE WOULDN'T BE INSIDE OF ME!!”

Noticing Izaya, Erika’s eyes widened and she squealed into the microphone, “But Izaya, you and Shizuo were destined for this!!” A hush then fell over the entire crowd, all eyes turning to the pair Erika was speaking to.

“DESTINED FOR UNREALISTIC AND DANGEROUS SEX?” Izaya called back, furious.

“YES!!” she exclaimed.

“You know,” Shizuo said reasonably, eyes still fixed on the image. “It probably wouldn’t be that hard to pull off. I mean, we could at least try…”

“S-shizu-...! Ughn fine, but we are NOT using spit for lube. I want the nice stuff, KY only. And you’re wearing a condom. Hmmph!” Izaya snapped back, with a blush. Shizuo grinned slyly, wrapping an arm around Izaya’s shoulders. If asked, Izaya would deny leaning into the beast.

His beast.

But Erika saw. Because of course she did. “AHHHH!!!! SHIZAYA IS CANON IN REAL LIFE!!!! Yumacchi Yumacchi!! It’s canon, I wasn’t dreaming!!!”

“It was kind of always cannon.” Izaya replied, looking off to the side awkwardly as he remembered fondly their many chases. He’d always wondered if they were more than enemies but now that he had proof, everything seemed to be falling into place.

“Yeah, you think I’d chase him all those years without actually killing him if I wasn’t interested?” Shizuo admitted, turning red as Izaya looked up at him. “Plus, he could kill me just as easy. Flea has connections…” Izaya nodded.

“You always claim you’re mad, but you smile. A lot. Why is that?” Izaya asked, giving Shizuo a flirty, knowing smirk. “Yeah… You don’t wanna know what I was thinking about…” Shizuo mumbled, even though they both knew Izaya had a pretty good idea.

“So Shizu-chan does want a piece of my ass!” Izaya cooed, eyes bright. “Well I can’t say I’m surprised. It is a very nice ass after all.”

“Damn right it is,” Shizuo grunted, returning his smile before reaching down. Izaya’s eyes went wide and he yelped before swatting at Shizuo’s hand. “We’re in public Shizu-chan!”

“We’re always in public.”

“Well why don’t we find somewhere private?” Izaya purred. Shizuo cringed as he realized they still had a problem.

“I would, but we’re still lost in here. Remember?”

Erika broke in excitedly, trying to staunch the blood gushing from her nose. “We’ll help you out!!!” Izaya looked up at the stage and suddenly, his eyes narrowed.

“What’s the catch?”

“You have to kiss Shizu-Shizu in front of everyone!” Erika announced to the sounds of cheering. 

“Yeeaaah…” Izaya drawled. “No.” Looking up at Shizuo he asked, “Do you think you could…?” Understanding, Shizuo picked him up and launched him across the room. The moment he landed, Izaya rushed to the side of the stage and pulled a fire alarm. Water started raining down, and alarms blared. With horrified screams, fan girls grabbed their manga to try and protect it from being ruined. Sparks flew from wet, exposed wires, and in the chaos Izaya watched with glee as Shizuo pushed through the crowd towards him.

“You’re a shitty Flea, you know that?” he huffed, grabbing for a Shizaya embossed umbrella and putting it up over the two of them.

“That was probably illegal.”

“It’s not illegal if you don’t get caught,” Izaya responded, grinning up at his beast. He reached toward the alarm and wiped off any traces of fingerprints on the lever. He smiled warmly up at Shizuo.

“So, uh, were you serious about all of that?” Shizuo asked, looking a little worried. “Because you’ve fucked with me for years. How do I know this isn’t any different?”

Izaya’s eyes softened. “I’m not messing with you Shizu-chan, I meant every word.” he winked saucily. “You're annoy me, and you amuse me, and excite me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Without any more preamble,  Izaya leaned up and kissed Shizuo. “You’re mine now~” He purred. Shizuo decided to shut him up with another, deeper kiss. “And you’re mine.” 

 

                                                                                                                        THE END!


	2. In The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven vs Hell
> 
> Or more accurately titled, How Kanra and Izaya turned the creation of the universe into one long bout of one-upmanship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q: So, we were going to leave this as a one shot but SCREW IT! This is now going to become our dump for our co-authored works. IT'S GONNA BE FUN!
> 
> This first one is going to be the start of what might turn into a series about heaven vs hell.   
> Izaya as Satan and Kanra as God
> 
> Because why not?
> 
> Enjoy!

In the beginning, there is nothing.

“Excuse you?”

Okay, not nothing. There is God _ and _ a whole lot of nothing.

“Better,” God says, staring out over her domain. She is a bit bored to be honest. She’s had an infinite amount of time already to be alone with her thoughts and it’s getting a bit repetitive.

She decided that she  _ exists _ ages ago. It hadn’t been till a mere trillion years ago that she’d decided that she was in fact a she. Now she’s stuck on the problem of who she is. God is a pretty good name, pretty solid, but she could do with something a little more… catchy.

Also, she’s had the same song stuck in her head for the past millennium. Which, in case anyone is wondering, is annoying.

So from within her, God creates a fellow being.

She creates another god, or at least, a facsimile of one.

It’s a design she’s been working on for at  _ least _ twenty one million years. She likes to call it a  _ male. _

This new god opens his eyes. Stares at her.

His crimson eyes match hers, as does the sleek black hair. She’d made his shorter, decided that this was more manly than the long rippling tresses that she has.

Then, he speaks, which means she’s done well. She had only decided that speech was a thing she could do a few million years ago.

“I am.” That’s it, that’s what he says.

“I created you,” is the response she choses out of the seemingly endless answers she has for this statement. She’s had a lot of time to think out the possibilities of what this creation’s, this man’s first words would be. It’s good to be prepared.

The man mulls this over for a moment, as if still figuring out the words. “And yet,” he says at last. “I feel no pull to obey you. I am free.”

“I wanted you to be,” she admits. “I gave you everything I am, or at least, the things I wished you to have.” The man nods as if he already knew that. He probably did, she’d given him just as much intelligence as she herself possessed. And yet she knows there are differences between the two of them.

“You can not create,” she adds.

“I am aware,” he responds. “But you created me for a purpose, did you not?”

“Yes.” She had chosen not to give him her memories. That would have been too easy. She wants this being to form his own thoughts. “I got bored.”

The man gives her a smile, but it isn’t a normal smile. Instantly, she finds herself trying to copy the expression. It’s hooked at the corner, like it isn’t completely sincere. She decides to call it a  _ smirk _ , mostly because she likes coming up with new words.

“Ah, I see.” The man bows, though how you can do this in this void is confusing. “Well then,  _ God, _ I suppose that I should start living up to my end of the bargain. After all, you were kind enough to create me.”

“Give me a name,” God orders. “God just isn’t really me, you know?”

The man laughs, and like the smile that was really a smirk, it’s a devious sound. It’s almost more of a…  _ Chuckle, _ she decides.

“Very well,” he agrees. “You are Kanra.”

“What does it mean?” she,  _ Kanra, _ asks curiously.

“Nothing at all,” he says, this laugh a true one. “But I suppose if you want to give it a meaning, let it mean  _ God.” _

She rolls it around on her tongue. “Kanra,” she repeats. “I like it.”

“Wonderful,” the man says, grinning. “I’m partial to it myself.”

“I have to name you,” Kanra says decisively, tilting her chin up so she can regard the man before her. It doesn’t take her long, she’s had an infinite amount of time to come up with all the possible combinations of sounds that she likes. A moment later she narrows them down to her five favorites.

She picks the second one, the one that sounds decidedly male. “Izaya. You are Izaya.”

The man,  _ Izaya, _ bites his lip on a grin. “It fits, I suppose.”

Kanra smiles, and hers is a pure smile.

“What do you want to do Izaya?”

“Not talk like this.” His eyes narrow. “I do not wish to simply get along with you Kanra, I wish to have an opponent. I suspect you’d like one as well.”

Kanra nods, though it makes her furrow her brows. She’s spent ages working out the perfect companion, and instantly he wishes to leave her. Then again, she made him so it was only inevitable that he’d feel like her in some ways and completely differently in others.

“You think you will be lonely,” Izaya observes. The word is one of Kanra’s favorites,  _ observe _ . She believes that is what she does, even though there has been nothing to observe.

“Yes,” she decides, recognizing what he’s trying to say. He feels a small bit of empathy, but not enough to stay. That does make her disappointed, but she gets over it quickly. “I was not before, but now that there is company to be had, I will miss you.”

Izaya nods then requests, “Give me the power to create you one thing.”

Kanra furrows her brows again, but she senses that he does not mean her harm. Not that anything can harm either of them. They are perfect. So she touches Izaya and he closes his eyes.

When he opens them, there is no discernible difference, but she can feel the energy spilling from him.

“One thing,” she says, as if it needs repeating.

He grins and then is silent.

It might have been a year that Izaya spent in thought, it might have been ten. Then again, it felt like a minute. Kanra decides that’s because she enjoys having him around. But then the time ends and Izaya holds out his hands, as if forming the darkness into a thing.

But he doesn’t form darkness. Instead, Kanra is blinded as bright white energy is thrown in her face. From it, a figure appears, a glowing figure. A  _ woman, _ just like Kanra. The woman is beautiful  _ perfect. _ Long hair, light, like everything else about her. Behind her stretch twin somethings,  _ wings. _ They are white, blindingly so. Powerful, gorgeous. Instantly, Kanra thinks that she must create more creatures with similarly magnificent appendages.

In that moment, Kanra wants to paint the nothingness with the energy spilling off of this woman, the  _ light _ that bathes the scene.

“She is not like you,” Izaya says, and Kanra finally remembers he is there. “She is able to die. She is very powerful though, more powerful than you would imagine. She is not as smart, but she possesses great understanding. She will not follow you unless convinced to do so.”

“She’s…” But Kanra can’t find a word to describe the glory she is seeing. God is in awe of what one of her own creations created. It’s a rare moment that will only happen once.

“Entirely yours, if you choose to have her,” Izaya finishes. “But you must name her, only then will she come alive.”

Kanra nods fervently. “I want to make everything  _ light. _ Just like her.”

“Leave me a corner of darkness if you will,” Izaya says and Kanra can feel the spark of creation leave him as he gives it willingly back to her. “We will remain separate for the vast majority of our time. I will stay in the dark, you will remain in the light.”

She frowns, realizing what Izaya is implying. “You will be alone,” she insists, finding this troubling. “Let me create you a companion as well.”

Izaya’s expression does not change, but she senses his acquiescence all the same. So Kanra looks at the woman Izaya has made her and from that creates him an equal. A male that glows with the same light. His hair, she makes the same color, from his back, she lets sprout two beautiful wings that appear as the woman’s. Like the woman, he is beautiful. Powerful. Glorious in his power.

“I made him like you made her,” Kanra says. “They will be alike as we are alike, but will be different, just as we too are different.”

Izaya moves around the man, looking at him from all sides as if inspecting her work. Kanra feels a stir of something, perhaps irritation, because his scrutiny implies what she has made might not be perfect.

But once he takes his examination full circle, he straightens and nods. She notices the intrigued smile on his face. “He is almost perfect.” Kanra is about to protest this when Izaya touches the man’s forehead. 

Suddenly, the light around him begins to fade, replaced by darkness. His white wings begin to morph, rot away, shed the feathers, leaving thick, reddish skin. Leathery wings that are horned and cruel. From his head two curved horns sprout, twisting up till they form twin peaks above his head. Lastly, a whip-like appendage grows out from the base of the man’s spine, curling around his feet like a black rope. A  _ tail. _

“There,” Izaya says, smiling in satisfaction. “Now he is perfect.”

“You can not create,” Kanra murmurs, staring at Izaya in confusion. “How did you do that?”

Izaya taps the side of his nose. “You may be able to create Kanra, but I can change.” Looking over the now imposing man, Izaya says, “You may have an angel, but I have a demon.”

_ Angel, _ Kanra thinks,  _ is a perfect term for the woman. _ And demon is as good as any for the man. He is Izaya’s, she will not begrudge him the name. “I did not give you the ability of change,” she murmurs, still unable to let it go.

“No,” Izaya agrees. “I stole it from you. You can create,” Izaya wiggles his fingers. “And only I can change. In fact,” he grins as if only seizing upon an idea. “That is how this game will be played. Whatever you create, I will attempt to corrupt. I will take from you everything that I want and it will be up to you to stop me. Nothing is sacred. I will take your creations, I will take your light and someday,” he points to the woman. “I might even take her.”

Kanra doesn’t like the idea of Izaya taking the woman away from her. This pure creature is hers, not his. He has his own corrupted version to do with as he wishes. “Then I suppose we are in opposition.” 

“That is the general idea.” Izaya grins. “You are God, and I, I suppose, will be known as Lucifer.” He nods as though he likes the name. “We are rivals now, though everyone else will only know us as enemies.”

Kanra nods and thinks privately that from that point on, Lucifer will mean  _ light _ for that’s what Izaya created. But she doesn’t tell him this, she just says, “We should name our companions.”

It’s Izaya’s turn to nod.

Kanra chooses her favorite name, the one she skipped over when naming Izaya. Meanwhile, Izaya smirks again, chuckles as he looks at the man. As one, they speak, giving lie to their similarities.

“Shizuo.”

“Shizuka.”

As one, the beings open their eyes. Kanra is dazzled by the color, a bright color that emulates the light that fills the woman.  _ Gold _ seems like a suitable name, so that is what she dubs it. The man’s eyes, Shizuo’s, are the same color, the only proof that he was once a being of light as well.

Shizuka blinks at Kanra, almost like a newborn. Shizuo’s leathery wings flutter as he frowns in confusion at Izaya.

“What now?” Kanra asks, looking to Izaya.

“Now,” Izaya says with a smile. “You create, I change, and we never again speak of this moment. You are good, therefore I must be your antithesis. Paint me as your enemy, I care not how you do so.”

And then he retreats into the nothingness, leading Shizuo away by his hand. Kanra watches, and then creates another thing, a vast, infinite space of darkness below for Izaya to keep as his own.

As Shizuka, her  _ angel, _ watches her intently, as if trying to figure out what Kanra is, Kanra fills her own expanse of nothing with light and she decides that truly, it is good.

And it was morning, and it was night.

The first day.

She’ll edit out the parts that ‘didn’t exist’ tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q: Yep~ So, what do you think? Want more, want us to 'for the love of god stop'? 
> 
> Hehe, oh boy, we're not stopping...

**Author's Note:**

> KYAAA! Did you love it as much as we did? I sure hope so~~


End file.
